Forgetting and Remembering

A new post in the series - Reminders to self

Sometimes going through one's old writings, journals, diaries can be an incredibly learning experience. It makes one recall and perhaps even renew for oneself the insight, the wisdom of the moment that had expressed itself in those words from years ago.

Often there is a definite reason why one is led to a particular old scribbling. Perhaps it is time to remember something important, really remember. Perhaps it is time to re-dedicate oneself. Perhaps one needs a reminder. A reminder to remember.

Sometimes old scribblings take on new forms. Not necessarily because the writer has grown wiser, but more because the writer is seeking a greater clarity inside. This seeking is also a reminder. A reminder to not forget to seek.

A newer outer form also becomes a reminder. A reminder to remember and offer.

"Although his ego claims the world for its use,
Man is a dynamo for the cosmic work;
Nature does most in him, God the high rest:
Only his soul’s acceptance is his own."

In our egoistic journeys through life, as we go through various trials and tribulations, ups and downs, we generally forget that we are constantly being protected, pushed, guided and led by powers and forces beyond us, beyond our highest intellectual capabilities that we normally use to govern our lives, our choices and decisions. We may call these higher powers or forces by any name. We may call it the Divine.

In our ignorant intellectual debates on free will and destiny, we forget that in the ultimate analysis we are only instruments of a Cosmic Plan, and though blessed with a free will we have been put here on this earth to fulfil a tiny little part of His Grand Goal. We forget that we are here to manifest in our small ways His Divine Will, to play our little part in His Lila.

"Often our thoughts are finished cosmic wares
Admitted by a silent office gate
And passed through the subconscient’s galleries,
Then issued in Time’s mart as private make.
For now they bear the living person’s stamp;
A trick, a special hue claims them his own.
All else is Nature’s craft and this too hers.
Our tasks are given, we are but instruments;
Nothing is all our own that we create:
The Power that acts in us is not our force."

We forget, therefore we have to remember.

Because we are steeped in the Ignorance of our lower nature, enslaved by the prison of our physical-vital-mental selves, we forget that we are not really doing anything that we think we are doing. So we have to remember that even in our blind ignorance it is the Nature's Will manifesting itself through the outward actions being done through our hands and minds. We forget that we only have a responsibility for our actions and no claim on their outcome.

"Even Nature’s ignorance is Truth’s instrument;
Our struggling ego cannot change her course:
Yet is it a conscious power that moves in us,
A seed-idea is parent of our acts
And destiny the unrecognised child of Will.
Infallibly by Truth’s directing gaze
All creatures here their secret self disclose,
Forced to become what in themselves they hide.
For He who Is grows manifest in the years
And the slow Godhead shut within the cell
Climbs from the plasm to immortality.
But hidden, but denied to mortal grasp,
Mystic, ineffable is the spirit’s truth,
Unspoken, caught only by the spirit’s eye.
When naked of ego and mind it hears the Voice;
It looks through light to ever greater light
And sees Eternity ensphering Life."

We forget all this and that's why we are quick to take all the credit for the success of our actions and put all the blame on to the Divine or Nature if there is failure (or cry about our Bad Luck!). So we have to remember and offer all work to the Divine with no concern whatsoever for the outcome. We know we must do this, but still we don’t, we can’t.

We don’t do it because we forget.

We forget that all this is Hers, so we have to remember to offer it all to Her. We forget that we are only children of Hers struggling in Ignorance, so we have to remember that only Her Force and Her Grace can help us crawl out of this Ignorance and show us the Light.

"All stumbled on behind a stumbling Guide,
Yet every stumble is a needed pace
On unknown routes to an unknowable goal.
All blundered and straggled towards the One Divine."

Perhaps there is a deeper necessity for this forgetfulness because all is part of the Divine Plan.

"This world was not built with random bricks of Chance,
A blind god is not destiny’s architect;
A conscious power has drawn the plan of life,
There is meaning in each curve and line."

We are perhaps led to this forgetfulness so we may focus on the external world and all the actions that we must pursue. It is this action in the outer world that allows us to manifest and express outwardly what we may have experienced as part of an inward growth, whatever little that may be.

"This world is God fulfilled in outwardness."

Without the outward action we may not be able to translate any inner change into a concrete and sustained transformation. Without a reasonable dose of forgetfulness we may not be fully immersed in the outward action; without such an immersion an identification with the task may not be there and without which the task may not become a natural expression or outpouring of whatever part in us that has begun the journey of a deeper, wider and upward progress.

In the ultimate analysis, this simultaneous inner and outer journey is what helps us correct the multiple defects of the different parts of our physical-vital-mental nature. Only this can over time lead to a dynamic change of our outer nature which is essential for our evolutionary process. And for the purpose of our individual growth, this ‘back and forth’ between the outward external action and an inward redirecting of energies is what keeps us ‘testing’ for ourselves whether we are really changing. And for that we are given this experience of forgetfulness.

But we must remember that we are also given the ability to remember. We are given this because we must remember what we forget. It is this remembrance that takes us back inward. To the inner chambers where all journey is supposed to take us.

And yet we forget to remember, we forget to offer. We forget and we keep forgetting it more and more in our forgetfulness. It is as if we are lost in our own forgetfulness. The journey is long, but it begins as all journeys begin, with the first step. And that first step is remembrance.

Remember and Offer.

Verses from Savitri by Sri Aurobindo

Photos by Suhas Mehra

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To see previous post in the series, Reminders to self, click here.

To see all posts in the series, click here.

Quote UnQuote 1: Death

Rachna, the rachnakar (creator) of the popular blogs Rachnasays and Rachnacooks tagged me in the three-day quote challenge. I had been unsure how to do this because most of my posts already have some quote in them (often a long one, and sometimes a passage actually). To be honest, I would have probably skipped the challenge if it were not for the warm and affectionate Rachna!

Then I thought why not do something that I haven't done in a while. That is, be brief. And yet stay close to the spirit of this blog. So I am going to write only 100-word posts as part of this quote-a-day challenge. Now that will be a challenge for the brevity-challenged me, I think! Just to clarify, this preface and the quote itself will not be counted in the 100 words :)

So without much ado, here I go, with the first post today.

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"This wallpaper is killing me. One of us has to go." 

These are reported as Oscar Wilde's last words on his deathbed.

Nobody else could have said this! Wilde knew the real effect of real beauty on mind, heart and soul. His thoughts, words, wit are proof enough. His fashion sense too for those interested in only outer beauty!

But there’s more to these words. They make you think about the last thing you’d like to see before closing your eyes. For ever. Or maybe every night till then. Or tonight.

What is it? An object? A face? A vision? Something indescribable, perhaps?

Why not visualize tonight? Conscious death takes preparation.

एक दिन ऐसा भी...A Day Like This

Photo by Monica Denevan, Source

कभी कभी जब घर बाहर सब बेतरतीब सा बिखरा-बिखरा हो, दिल-ओ-दिमाग भी कुछ विचलित सा हो, मन किसी काम में न लग पाए, और तब एक ऐसी कविता आप के सामने आ जाए तो शुक्रगुज़ारी का एक बहुत प्यारा एहसास होता है। आज कुछ ऐसा ही दिन है।

बाकी बात सब बाद में, पहले कविता का आनंद लें....

जीवन-यान
रचनाकार: सुमित्रानंदन पंत (जन्म - २० मई १९००)

अहे विश्व! ऐ विश्व-व्यथित-मन!
किधर बह रहा है यह जीवन?
यह लघु-पोत, पात, तृण, रज-कण,
अस्थिर-भीरु-वितान,
किधर?--किस ओर?--अछोर,--अजान,
डोलता है यह दुर्बल-यान?

मूक-बुद्बुदों-से लहरों में
मेरे व्याकुल-गान
फूट पड़ते निःश्वास-समान,
किसे है हा! पर उनका ध्यान!

कहाँ दुरे हो मेरे ध्रुव!
हे पथ-दर्शक! द्युतिमान!
दृगों से बरसा यह अपिधान
देव! कब दोगे दर्शन-दान?

.... और अब इस कविता के बाद कुछ कहने को रहता ही कहाँ है?

बस केवल अंग्रेजी में अनुवाद करने का प्रयास कर सकती हूँ, अपने हिंदी न जानने वाले पाठकों के लिए।

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This happens to be one of those days....

When everything around you, in your home and surroundings is scattered all over, nothing is in place, outside and within, your mind is unable to concentrate, your thoughts are running here and there....And then suddenly a poem like this comes in front of you.

Who wouldn't be grateful to the Universe for this blessing?

Here is my humble attempt at English translation of a most beautiful poem by the world-famous Hindi poet, Sumitranandan Pant (Birth: 20 May, 1900)


Life-boat

O Universe! O, World-weary-mind!
Whither sails this life of mine?
This little vessel, this volley of hail,
On fickle-fearful-vastness amber-silver assail
Whither? -- Where to? Endless,-- Unknown,
Swerves this weak 'n feeble my life alone?

Hushed, fizzy, in rhythmic waves
Spring these little verses of mine
Lifeless, anxious as they are
But ha! Does anyone really mind?

Where do thou hide, my Dhruv-star?
O navigator, my radiant star,
Unfasten this covering from my eyes,
Deva, when will Thou reveal Thy Light?

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Linking this with ABC Wednesday, S: S is for Sumitranandan Pant

Being Two, and in Other News

Baisakhi, April 14, 2013 was when it started.  On this day that marks the beginning of the New Year in the traditional Hindu Solar Calendar, celebrated under different names in different parts of India, this blog took its form with a simple beginning.

Two years, 240 posts later, I am still figuring out, sometimes struggling with, how to express the ideal which led me to start this blog. In this process I have realised that instead of figuring out what the blog really wants to be, if I can be more certain of what this blog does not want to be (as mentioned here, here, and here) I will be perhaps able to draw closer to the true form that this blog is meant to express. Of course this will happen slowly, over time.

But as I said in my first anniversary post on this blog, there is always more to come still....

Since the truer reality is always the inner one, I can say with certainty that the last two years of blogging have given me plenty of opportunities to work on my inner attitude. There have been many moments of recognition, acceptance, denial, frustration, letting go, surrender, struggle and many other things that help us see our shortcomings, inadequacies, imperfections, all of which help us grow in humility and encourage us to strive for further progress and greater perfection.

To reiterate, I am speaking not only of the outer work but more importantly of the inner work that we must do via the outer work. And in that sense the outer work on this blog has been extremely helpful in providing ample opportunities for the inner work.

The second anniversary of the blog also gives me an opportunity to once again express my sincere gratitude. To That which is the source of everything, the beginning, the middle and the end; the Source from where everything emerges and to whom everything eventually reaches; the Force which makes everything possible; the Infinite that is behind and beyond everything that manifests and expresses.

I am deeply thankful for all the support and encouragement I have found through my readers -- those who share their thoughts about my posts either in the form of comments or private messages, and also those who engage with the content in silence. Thank you!

Since we are two, this is also an opportunity to share two other items of news that are closely connected with this work of writing and blogging.

NEWS I: A new blog

Yes. You read it right. I have started a new blog. With my husband. Yes, you read that right too.

But it is not really a blog in the conventional sense of the blog. There you will not find too many 300- or 500-word posts. Matriwords is more of a place for us to compile and share some of our longer writings, essays, research commentaries that are inspired by the social-cultural-political thought of Sri Aurobindo.

In addition to our own writings, we'll also be featuring there writings by some of the other thinkers and scholars whose works have inspired us and who continue to guide us in our ongoing study of Sri Aurobindo.

Because of its more academic nature, the content on matriwords will be updated at a bit slower pace than is typical with most blogs. In addition to an introductory post, already there are three essays and papers shared there: one written by yours truly; other that I had co-authored with my husband, and yet another written by a well-known scholar and practitioner of Integral Yoga.

I hope some readers will be interested to explore some of the content on matriwords.

NEWS II: A new review

I am happy to share another wonderful review of my book, ABC's of Indian National Education. It is a very special review because it is written by someone who is not only a dedicated intellectual and spiritual aspirant in his own right, but is also completely in sync with the deeper purpose and intention which guided my book in the first place.

Anurag Banerjee has several degrees in Commerce and Business Administration and has taught at a few insitutions. But his real work revolves around researching, writing, archiving and publishing important works in the field of Sri Aurobindo Studies. As the founder-chairman of Overman Foundation, a non-profit organization which he started in 2010 and which runs India’s only online research centre focusing on the vision, mission, thought and works of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, Anurag has been working tirelessly to bring to the readers several hitherto unknown or lesser-known works comprising of intellectual, biographical, anecdotal nature as well as several interview-based and photographic works that shine new light on the life and work of the Masters.

Anurag is also a poet, translator, and a well-published author in Bengali and English. At the age of twenty, he penned a biography of Dilip Kumar Roy titled Achinpather Dibyapathik, and at the age of twenty-one he translated one hundred poems of Sri Aurobindo into Bengali titled Debotar Shrom. Both these books were published in 2008. His first book in English, Nirodbaran: The Surrealist’s Journey, was published in December 2006 when he was twenty-two years old.

So it was a matter of great honour and happiness for me when Anurag agreed to write a review for my book. In his review, he writes:

Though the author has referred to the works of Rabindranath Tagore, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Shashi Tharoor, Pavan K. Varma, Makarand Paranjpe and others, the inspiration behind ABC’s of Indian National Education is certainly the works of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. The author has delved into the ocean of their writings and presented before the reader a number of invaluable pearls of wisdom related to the theme of education.

The academic scenario of the country would have been quite different had Sri Aurobindo’s concept of education was put to practice. The path to progress has been showed by Sri Aurobindo and his spiritual collaborator, the Mother, but the author has shown—in ABC’s of Indian National Education—how to tread on it successfully. It would be an error to assume that this book is only for the members of the academic world. Nay, on the contrary, it is for the general reader as well. One cannot help but appreciate the author’s lucid style of writing and her thought-provoking insights and observations on how the academic model should be. She has hinted how we can have a modern outlook on education as well as a modern method of educating without ignoring the rich cultural heritage of the land. The author has also successfully explained how the system of education in India could be appropriately Indianized.

To read his full review, click here.

I am very grateful to Anurag for taking the time to review the book.


NEWS III:  More to come still....

While there is always more news to share, but I stop now for the time being.

And as I begin the third year of this blog, all I can say is that my sincere aspiration and hope is that my work on this blog becomes a means for truer inspiration and a deeper engagement with ideas and thoughts in the years to come.

Like with everything else in life, there may be some new changes on this blog too in the coming year. Stay tuned!

Thank you, everyone. Happy reading. Happy writing. Happy thinking.

Photo credit: Suhas Mehra

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Linking this with ABC Wednesday, N: N is for News, New

From the Teacher's Desk

Dear V,

I am touched by the lovely card you sent me from across the seas. Thank you so much for your heart-felt words of love and gratitude. I am so happy that the work you started many years ago has finally come to its fruition. Your persistent effort and will to continue the work despite all the delays and challenges finally paid off. I am very happy for your well-deserved accomplishment, and grateful to have been a small part of the process in its early days.

Thank you for the beautiful gift you got for me when you visited your son in another distant land. The fact that you thought of sharing with me a little momento from your time spent in the warmth of your family's love says so much.

With this little gift of love, aquired in one part of the world, transported to another and finally sent with such sensitive care to yet another part of the world, you have tied together three different outer places. But more importantly, the spirit behind your gesture speaks to me of three different ways of overcoming inner distances -- with gratitude, rememberance and love.

Gratitude, for all that the other has given one in one's journey, no matter how long or how little or how far the two travelled together.

Rememberance, for staying with that feeling of gratitude, because it is so easy to forget in our rush to move on to the next excitement of life.

Love, for what is love without gratitude and rememberance.

I remember the times and talks we shared together, sitting in my office or on the steps of the building entrance. I am reminded of our works together, of learning with and from each other. I am reminded of the joy we experienced in our roles, that of a learner and a facilitator, and of the ease with which these roles often switched. Yes, they did. Because without that there wouldn't have been this connection that manifests today -- in your sending the card and the gift from so far away, and in my writing these words. After all those years.

I remember some words I had read some years ago. Words from a teacher and seeker, someone whose words you and I must have also read together at some point in our shared learning journey, all those years ago.

I don't know exactly where you are on your journey. But I suspect that your journey, like mine, is towards trying to come into a deeper understanding of what it means to live divided no more. If we can come to a deeper understanding of what this decision might mean for us in the context of education, we will have done something well worth doing. 

~ Parker Palmer, The Grace of Great Things: Reclaiming the sacred in knowing, teaching and learning  

I think in our own little ways through our given roles as learners and facilitators, we each tried to do something worth doing. In our meetings, in our discussions, in our emails, in our works. In the context of education. In life, which is an education. None of that could have happened if we didn't remember to do it in love. With love. Love for the purpose that joined us in our different journeys when we walked together for a few years. The purpose of wanting to "live divided no more...the decision to no longer behave differently on the outside than one knows one's truth to be on the inside." (Palmer)

These words make me feel happy today that we knew a little bit of each other's journey back then. These words make me feel content that today after all these years even though we may not know much of each other's journey, we know for sure that we are still trying to walk the path of gratitude, rememberance and love.

Thank you for remembering.

With love and best wishes, 

B

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A small package that started its journey many thousand miles away across the seas and reached my doorstep a few days ago made me want to write this. A love letter to all my students, past, present and future.

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To read last year's Valentine's Day special post, click here.

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Linking this with Blog-A-Rhythm, Wordy Wednesday #4, prompt: Love for all seasons

All is Not Well

A new post in the series Light and Sound

When a picture searches for its music, or a piece of music finds its right picture...the result is a magical experience of Light and Sound.  

Rassouli, Breath of Dawn

Certainly, not all is well with the world today.
I don't have to give any examples to prove this fact.

Certainly, not all will get well with the world any time soon.
I don't have to give any reasons to explain why.

Certainly, not all well-wishers of the world, who are more in love with their voices and opinions than the world, have spoken their last about how to make it all well.
I don't have to say anything more on why these well-wishers will not stop any time soon.

But one thing I am, and I sincerely hope to remain, quite certain of is this --

This is not a never-ending winter.
The Sun has a way to melt down the hardest ice and thaw out the harshest freeze.
The Light has a way to dispel the darkest darkness from the deepest corner and cranny.
The Dawn has a way to bring a new beginning, a greater faith, a stronger hope.

And what I am also certain of is this --

This is true not only of The World.

God shall grow up while the wise men talk and sleep;

For man shall not know the coming till its hour
And belief shall be not till the work is done.

This is also true of my little world.

Whatever the appearance we must bear, 

Whatever our strong ills and present fate, 

When nothing we can see but drift and bale, 

A mighty Guidance leads us still through all. 

Ustad Amjad Ali Khan, Raag Nat Bhairav

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This is 220th post for the blog. An interesting number, I thought. And this happens to be a post to celebrate Makar Sankranti & Pongal, an occasion to welcome new and auspicious beginnings. For my world. For The World.

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To see previous post in the series Light and Sound, click here.

To see all posts in the series, click here.

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Poetry source: Sri Aurobindo, Savitri, Book I, Canto IV, p. 59 & 55
Picture source: here
Kolam outside my home, this morning, drawn by a young talented girl in our neighborhood

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Written for Blog-a-rhythm Wordy Wednesday Prompt: Never-ending Winter
Linking this up with ABCWednesday, A: A is for All, Auspicious

Be Still, My Heart...

A new post in the series - Light and Sound

When a picture searches for its music, or a piece of music finds its right picture...the result is a magical experience of Light and Sound. 

As the Northeast monsoon meets the Bay of Bengal, the rain gods have been showering upon us their bounty, sometimes a bit too excessively. But that's life, the good and the bad often come together. Though at the time we can't see the good in what appears as the bad. Or vice versa.

On this rainy, wet day my thoughts keep going back to last year's Diwali.

Much was happening with me on the emotional level because of things I could hardly control in any way. Or anyone else could. As the time passes, we slowly recognize that such life-experiences come to help us learn how to go with the flow of things and stay as calm as possible underneath all the turmoil on the surface.

Like the sea. All the surf is on the shore; as the eyes move farther and farther from the shore they see the sea in all its calm vastness. The mighty waves come one after another, hitting the shore and receding one by one, but all this activity is on the surface; in its deepest depths the sea remains untouched, calm.

Can I be like the sea? Can I be that still, deep within?

A calmness does descend when I listen to this calming composition from Pandit Ronu Majumdar, Ry Cooder and Jon Hassell, titled - Bay of Bengal. Appropriate for today.

Interestingly, when so much was happening on the surface during last year's Diwali and the days leading up to it, one thing that helped me stay grounded within was contemplating on the inner meaning of Diwali. What does this festival of lights really signify? One such contemplation expressed itself in these words:

Light the Inner Incense, the incense stick seems to say. Let those wanderings help uncover and reveal all that is dark, all that needs to be purified. Remember that only in the slow burning of the outer form the inner true purpose is lived out, the humble stick shows by example. Let the gradual unveiling of the outer layers help uncover and reveal the real reason for existence - to aspire toward Light, to spread Sweet Fragrance all around.

To read more of this contemplation, visit the post: Light an Incense

Image: one evening at home, Suhas Mehra

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To see the previous post in the series, Light and Sound, click here.
To see all the posts in the series, click here.

Because I Must...

They suggested I should write about writing.

Writing, in this moment, means only one thing – to express what fills my heart.


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It has been more than 10 months. Soon it will be a year.

Her presence is everywhere, in each corner of this home.

Her presence will be till the home remains. But perhaps time has to come to say goodbye to the house. The children insist.

After 40 years I’ll move house. She too will move with me. To our new home.

Home will be where her presence is and will be.

*****


I write, because I must.

Image: Google, altered

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Linking this post with Write Tribe 100 words on Saturday prompt: About Writing.

A Personal Kind of Post, and With Gratitude

So many observations. So many thoughts clouding the mind, so much churning in this thing we commonly speak of as heart.

About life and its pressures, aging and mortality, family, relationships and their impermanence. About expectations and frustrations, silences and unspoken words, words and why we need them, or not.

About love that is human - oh so human that it can even become almost unrecognizable as love. About pampering and way too much pampering. About caring, non-caring and not caring enough.

About appearances and only appearances. About what is behind appearances. About fake and the unreal.

About the big city life and the life I have come to prefer in a small city. About spaces and their vibes. About home and what feels like home. 

About the mind and its workings. 

About rains that bring so much joy and also so much suffering. About pain. And more pain.

About rich and poor – money wise. And otherwise – in sincerity, genuineness and authenticity.

About why sometimes you just want to escape from it all. About why you can’t. Or shouldn't.

And about that one long exhale that makes it all go. Let go. At least for a few moments.

Could have written many posts on these and a few other things. But I won’t. At least not now. At least not till I get an inner and objective distance from my initial reactions and reflections. Not till I sense the truth – however distorted – that may be hiding behind what has met the outer eye or the outer walls of the heart and mind. Not till I see the inner beauty that may be hidden in the outer experience.

Aah…that long exhale! Let it all go.

But what I will write about today is Gratitude. Gratitude for the experience. For all its mixed-up nature.

Gratitude for that moment when I decided I will only write when that ranting voice in the head has been hushed. Sufficiently.

Gratitude for this moment when the mind is not running unnecessarily over unnecessary observations and feelings and emotions. For this moment when I felt inspired to write about what I don’t want to write about!

Gratitude for remembering that someone had asked me if I can recall a few posts by fellow bloggers which had touched something in me. Gratitude for having read those writings, for experiencing the moment when the vibration and ‘feel’ of the words written by these wonderful writers made its impact. And strongly enough so I can still recall those writings easily. So I can still re-experience the joy of re-reading them.

Listed below are a few of those posts, in no particular order. Do take the time to read these. You too will be grateful. I am quite sure of that.

Passion Room by Dagny Sol of Serenely Rapt 

Life’s Jigsaw – Temple by Suzy of SomedaySomewhere 

The Search by Titlis S of The Little Princess 

Desiderata by Vidya Sury of Going A-musing

Lessons Learned from Cleaning by Sunila Vig of Between You and Me

I am of course grateful for the time you took to read this post. 

Can I really call it a post? O well.

Yellow

A new post in the series - Light and Sound

When a picture searches for its music, or a piece of music finds its right picture...the result is a magical experience of Light and Sound.

Yellow, her favourite colour, 

Like the golden-light of her widest smile.

Hiding just enough of that slightly-chipped tooth, 

Exposed in a full-hearted-laugh, in a little while. 

A white-and-sea-green dress, her favourite pearls, 

A head-scarf covering where silvery-grey once shone

They celebrated with her, her birth and life, 

This day, last year, striving that pain isn’t shown.

Eyes full of unspoken thoughts, he sat quietly, 

Aloof, alone, in the middle of it all. 

Burdened by the pain-to-come his heart let out

A sigh that broke down the teary-eyed wall.

Krishna! The Yellow-robed One

In your flute I’ll find my lost Sun.

~ Photo by Suhas Mehra

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This is my 100th post for the calendar year 2014. And I thank whosoever planned it to be this way. There is no way I could have planned this special number for this special 100-word-post triggered by a very special memory and experience.
Krishna, You Alone Are!

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For previous post in this series, click here.

For all posts in this series, click here.

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Linking this post with ABCWednesday: Y, Y is for Yellow

Renew and Refresh

A new post in the series - When a Picture Leads

This picture speaks to me of Renewal. Refreshing. Rekindling of hope.

This picture was taken by me in Auroville a few months after the mighty destructive cyclone Thane hit Pondicherry and Auroville area on December 30, 2011. According to some estimates, about 40% of the trees in Auroville were uprooted or destroyed because of the devastation. (And if you know anything about Auroville, you must know something about its thick green cover, its massive trees and vegetation and its red earth. And you perhaps also know about the 40 years of hard work and great effort put in by the dedicated Aurovillians and local villagers to convert what was once a barren land into a green paradise.) After the cyclone, it took several days to clear up the roads and streets of this international township, and power was restored only after two weeks to the whole area in and around Auroville. My own little garden at home (near Auroville) suffered some loss because of the cyclone.

But I am not interested today in that memory of loss and destruction, or that memory of nature's fury and chaos.

I want to think of the new beginnings instead. I want to think of new life that comes after death, new growth after destruction. That is the story this picture tells.

I clearly remember the day when I took this picture. I had gone to Auroville Visitor Center with my husband, and my niece who was visiting us from Delhi. We were planning to do some shopping and have lunch at the cafe there. I saw this tree stump in the parking lot itself, and was pleasantly surprised to see the new tender green leaves sprouting at the base and the top. What a sight of hope, new life!

While a reminder of what this tree once was was still there nearby in the form of an uprooted trunk of another big tree, the new growth was a proof positive that life doesn't stop. It only takes a little pause now and then, to recuperate its strength, to rejuvenate itself with fresh energy and soon it bounces back. Full of vigour, full of new energy, full of hope and new beginnings. That's what I remember feeling when I witnessed this sight.

The timing was also important because my niece was visiting with an objective to study Economics with me for a few weeks as part of her preparation for her senior secondary examinations (12th grade). She was feeling a bit doubtful about this subject and needed a little boost, a sort of a push to regain her confidence and will to study well for her forthcoming examinations.

She is an intelligent young woman, but it is just that her kind of intelligence is not always recognized or valued by the kind of examination and grading pattern we have in the mainstream Indian schooling system, especially at the level of "board" examinations. And the system is such that if a student doesn't score well in these public examinations, her further education including admission to a good college may become very difficult.

She knew she needed to do well, at least reasonably well, in the examinations, but just needed some gentle push and some one-on-one guidance for at least a little period of time. And of course I was extremely happy when she chose to come and stay with me and thought that I could be the person to give her what she needed.

I can't say what, if any, help I was for her at that time. But all I can say is that the visit provided me an opportunity to bond with my lovely young niece and renew myself with that youthful energy. I also got an opportunity to recognize and realize what an important asset a healthy sense of self-confidence is, especially for the youth preparing themselves for the big world out there.

A renewal of this confidence in oneself, in one's capabilities and unique intelligence is necessary from time to time. For all of us. We all go through times when a refresher dose of hope and optimism is required. This rekindling of hope, this constant renewal is what gives us the persistent strength to go on pursuing our dreams, walking toward the unknown-to-us future.

That, I believe, is life. A journey, a seeking, a promise of renewal. Sort of like a promise of re-doing, a rebirth almost. In renewing and refreshing ourselves we rediscover ourselves. And perhaps that's how we also re-dedicate ourselves to our goals, dreams and aspirations.

The more we can open ourselves to the Light and Force, the eternal source of all that hope and energy and optimism, the more alive and living we begin to feel. Ready to begin anew.


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For the previous post in the series, click here.
For all the posts in this series, click here.

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Linking this post with Write Tribe Wednesday Prompt - Memory triggered by a photograph.

Change, Beauty and Truth

Change is the only constant, it is often said. But nothing in the world is as simple as a cliche.

We must dig a bit deeper if we want to get closer to the truth.

What kind of change are they talking about who speak of constant change? Is it only an outer change? Or only an inner change? Or both? Who or what makes the change possible? Does it happen on its own? Or does someone or something compel or force or push for a change? Is change a natural phenomenon? Or is there another master-plan working behind the surface phenomenon of Nature? 

What is the outcome of change? Is it always for the better? Can change also be for worse? What distinguishes a good change from the one that is not? Who decides what is a good change and what is not? Who decides what is good, period?

So many questions. And I am not done yet. There is also the question of why.

Why does change occur? What is the need for change? Why can't things stay the same? Is there a  plan being unfolded through all the changes we see happening around us? Can we ever know that plan? Or even get a glimpse of it?

I am not sure I or any of us can have the complete answers to any or some of these questions. I am not even sure if I have all the questions yet. 

But sometimes you don't need to have the answers. Or at least not right away. You just need to keep asking the questions. More questions. So that you don't believe anything just because it is told to you by an authority, by your textbook, by your teacher. 

Change maybe a constant. But perhaps so is Beauty. So is Joy, and so is Delight.  

This may not make any sense the moment we start looking around and see all the horrible stuff happening. In our lives, individually and collectively. In our homes, in our communities, in our worlds. Where is any Beauty in all the gross, all the terrible, heart-breaking, horrendous human behaviour that we witness all around us? Where is the joy, the delight in any of that? 

And that's when we begin to want a change. We begin to lose our innate joy, our innate delight in the world, in life, in existence. We begin to question Beauty. We begin to question whether any of this madness makes any sense. We begin to feel restless. We begin to wonder if we can do anything to change something. We begin to ask what changes we need in the system out there so that some of this madness can be stopped. We begin to get angry, more angry when we don't see any changes happening. We get more restless. And so it goes on....

But where does it all take us? Do things ever change? Does the system become better? Does the horrible stuff stop? Or does one kind of terrible replace the other? 

And a time comes when we start using another cliche - the more things change the more they stay the same.

If all change leads to only more of the sameness, why change in the first place? 

So we are back to not really knowing anything. Not really having any answers. 

And yet we must continue. Continue asking the questions, continue living the questions. With the hope that someday we will be able to "see" the truth, not in a book or in a system or in a religion, but within.

Change, but not for the sake of changing. Change, for evolving, progressing, transforming. Change, for constantly discovering beauty, joy, and truth.

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, 

but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

~ Maya Angelou

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This reflection was triggered after a conversation I had with my 20-year-old niece studying Sociology, trying to make sense of this thing called 'Society.'

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Linking this post with Write Tribe Wednesday Prompt: Write a post inspired by a Maya Angelou quote. The quote I have chosen is not exactly a quote on writing, as per the prompt guideline. But on some level, everything in life has a connection with writing, including a butterfly's beauty and change. 

Image source: Google

Light is All You Need

A new post in the series - Reminders to self

Note: This could be seen as a sequel to my earlier post on Why Should I Write, in which I share some writing advice from Sri Aurobindo, advice that speaks to me personally at this point in my writing and in my life. The words below may be seen as a response to another one of my questions - How Should I Write.

When all feels dark, kind of lost

Thoughts are all better-off tossed

Ideas don't work, no fix in sight

All you need is one little Light.

Light in the heart, Light in mind

Go seek, and ye' shall find

Light in action, and inaction,

Stillness of one moment's fraction.

In this Light when all feels changed

Remember to shine it on those estranged

Feelings, thoughts, words repressed

Lest they rally to make a protest.

A moment speaks, a truth revealed

Only that rigid mind won’t yield

Slave of habits, oppressor of a kind

Don’t force it, slowly make it refined.

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Linking this post with Write Tribe - 100 words on Saturday 2014 #16: The prompt was to imagine a conversation with a favourite author on writing. 

I realized that any questions I could think of had already been answered as seen in the excerpt shared above from Collected Works of Sri Aurobindo, Volume 27, p. 599. The light of his guidance however inspired me to pen down the 100 word-poem to further dispel the darkness of my doubts.

Image source: 1: mine; 2: Google

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To see previous post in this series, click here.
To see all posts in the series, click here.

Do I Feel Rich Today?

Today on this World Environment Day, I certainly feel rich! 

I feel rich when I see the beauty and blessings of Mother Nature in my little garden. 

Today I remember the little sapling of Rangoon Creeper that we had planted in a little corner of the garden a couple of years ago. I also remember how just a few weeks later, it accidentally got pruned while digging out some of the intruding weeds that had shown up nearby. I remember how sad I felt when I noticed that only a little bit of the root and a couple of leaves of the sapling survived the 'accident'. 

I remember how we nursed it and took care of it for the first few days after it was replanted. I also remember that once the plant was firmly rooted, we basically left it alone to do its own thing. Just gave sufficient nutrition but not too much. Gave enough love, enough space, enough support for the vine to climb up, and then let it grow at its own pace, to blossom in its own time.

Today I feel rich when when I see how profusely it is blooming. Those bunches of mildly fragrant blossoms drooping over the garden wall, those little red-pink-reddish-pinkish blossoms which have been a special favourite since childhood. 

Today I feel rich when I remember how fun it was to make beautiful flower garlands with these blossoms sticking one tender-light-green stem of a blossom into another.  

Today, I feel rich when I see Pasiflora (Passion Flower) blossoming next to the Rangoon Creeper. I have written here and here about the work we have had to do to allow these two vines to find a comfortable harmony with each other. 

Today I feel rich when I realize that some of those "lessons" in harmony are bearing fruit. Or flowers, I should say. 

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Today I feel rich when I see the tender leaf-like pink blossoms of Mussaenda (Bangkok Rose) swaying gently on the shrub which had almost half-died under its own weight one evening which brought heavy rainstorm and furious winds, almost a year ago. 

I remember how we tied together some of the drooping limbs of the bush, giving it enough support with bamboo sticks till it was strong enough to stand on its own. I also remember how just a few months ago part of the bush was beginning to show serious insect-damage. I remember how sad I felt realizing that I had ignored the plant and not given its necessary fix of the neem-oil-water-mix spray to get rid of those pesky little insects. 

Today I feel rich when I see the bunches of these leaf-like flowers in soft pink shades, with little centers of deep yellow shining through them. 

Today I feel rich when I realize that a regimen of proper care and timely attention does bear its fruit. Or flowers, I should say. 

           

Today I feel rich seeing the bluish-purplish blossoms on the just-over-two-year-old bush of Ironwood/Delek Air tree/Anjan (Memecylon umbellatum). 

I remember the day we had planted just a tiny little sapling of this bush. I remember how I had even forgotten that we had planted this, until my husband showed me the spot where it was. I remember how happy I felt seeing that it was doing well, slowly growing and becoming stronger. 

I remember how relieved I was to know that perhaps the best way for this plant to grow was to be left alone without much interference from the human hands. I remember how many times I have had to remind the gardener, who is less of a gardener and more of a water-giver, to not water that corner where this woody shrub was beginning to take its hold and show some progress. 

Today I feel rich when I see the leathery green leaves and the mildly fragrant beautiful blue blossoms. 

Today I feel rich when I realize that sometimes all that is needed is to carefully drain out and remove the excess life-energy so that a harmonious blossoming can occur. 

Today I feel rich when I realize that a garden can be one of the best teachers one can have.

Today I feel rich when I realize that a little bit of effort in our own backyard can go a long way.

Do something for our Mother Earth today. Celebrate World Environment Day!

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Spiritual significance given to these flowers by the Mother:

1. Rangoon Creeper - Faithfulness: We can count on You; You never fail us when we need You.

2. Passion Flower - Silence: The ideal condition for progress.

3. Mussaenda - Mental Goodwill: Likes to show off a little, but is very useful.)

4. Iron-wood - Miracle (Air of Auroville): Marvellous, strange, unexpected

~ All photos from my garden, courtesy, Suhas Mehra

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Written in response to the Indiblogger InSpire prompt - Rich: Write a post on your interpretation of this word.

Was inspired to write this after a dear friend reminded this morning that today is World Environment Day. 

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